For the longest time I thought calamari was chicken..

A corn dog a day keeps the doctor away

I can't afford to get any dumber.

Why did I put potatoes in my purse last night..

The morning after poops are really getting to me

Everybody's falling in love and I'm just like can someone bring me some chicken on a stick?

Just because I turned left on red and got in a bit of wreck.. Doesn't make me a bad driver. Promise

One of my legs is way longer than the other... No wonder I walk like a pimp with a limp. Holla

You know the best place to get married? In the garage.. So you can back out -old man at walmart hahah