Latest posts

How much longer? Did you bring any snacks? They want $5 for M&M's! I wanna go home Is it over yet? - me watching my kids Christmas pageant

Can't freaking wait for this daem stock to appreciate!!

He's grown so much! http://t.co/rl3EImVqCS http://t.co/ziP51R2nd9

:) http://t.co/ZmIfYMKxYF http://t.co/J4f3ppsOUu

Haha
I wonder how they'll do this year. They're going to get to see Santa Claus tonight! http://t.co/JznLO6Me3m http://t.co/tkAhIsvEyR

Joseph: More like "Joseph Christmas" Mary: we heard you the first time

Yo! What song did iggy win the Grammy with?? Is it that shallow pop song everyone bumps his head to when drunk!!

Scrooge: [evil his entire life] Everyone: you're an asshole Scrooge: please forgive me Everyone: ok Scrooge: Christmas Everyone: Christmas

Tbh I get really turned on when people rsvp correctly.

This hacking incident will be like the USS MAINE!! The pressure is growing from George Clooney
#SonyHack
#SonyWasReallyHackedBecause

My favorite Christmas carol is the one where they blame the weather for their social anxiety and just stay home.

[searches 'Chanukah'] Did you mean Hanukah? I DON'T KNOW, GOOGLE. NO ONE DOES.

Little known fact: literally every spelling of Hannukah is correct. Channukah? Hannhooka? Chewbacca? Channing Tatum? All fine.

Driving too much that Im having car dreams! I was a passat my girl a Ferrari, she left me,literally screeching away from my life! @*!:#!